Needle in a haystack

Blog 1.jpgI get so damn passionate that I’m not sure my point gets across within the right context.  My comments seem to be met by absolute silence or looks of confusion.  Where do you start when some don’t even know that 2+2 =4, or that throwing litter on the ground is not okay, or what a nutritious meal entails.  How do I explain to somebody who was picking up their last meal by going through the street side garbage, the importance of sanitation?  How can I get frustrate with the kid slumped in his chair almost sleeping in my class when I know he hasn’t eaten all day?

I came here thinking, if I can make a small difference in just one life I’ll be happy.  Ooooh, how ignorance is bliss.  NO!! No, I will not be happy.  I will not be happy, because I still know that the boy down the street can’t have his surgery because his mother can barely feed him, let alone pay for any surgery. I will not be happy because of the countless men and women who have AIDS when it could have easily been avoided.  I will not be happy, because I know the family with the three young girls down the street who live in their rusty metal hut without electricity or running water.  I will not be happy because I see children working instead of playing.  How can I possibly be happy when all I’ve done is given my hand to one person while I watched all the others falling off the cliff.

It’s the things I hadn’t thought about before my arrival.  I had already told myself that I wasn’t coming here to change the world, I knew I couldn’t help everybody and I prepped myself repeatedly to be mentally strong for when the mother who had just lost her child held my hand in hopes of comfort.  I mean how can you comfort someone if you fall apart in front of them?  I overlooked soo many things – you naïve little fool….  What happens when someone simply doesn’t want your help?  How do you convince someone that Voodoo will not be, really it won’t be, the answer for that long-awaited cure?

You don’t!! that’s how, you simply don’t.  Because we’re not actually all that different after all, and I wouldn’t want someone coming into my home and telling me everything I was doing wrong, and that’s okay.  But there are some that do want to learn, there are some that take in all I have as though they were a sponge.  So here I am, swallowing the big pill of reality, trying to accept that not everyone will welcome me with open arms.   I will however find the needle in the haystack, it will be long, it will be hard, I will get tired, but I will find that damn needle and once I’ve found it, I will hit the next haystack and then the next and then the next.




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